Today I’m going to show you the eight definitive signs that a man is missing you during a no contact rule.
If you aren’t familiar, the no contact rule is defined as,
A period of time where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should NOT be used to make your ex miss you but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so that you outgrow your ex. By doing this, the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you
Usually this period of time lasts anywhere between 21-45 days. Of course, for many of our clients are left wondering how they can tell if it is even working.
After all, our studies have shown that most exes won’t reach out to you during the no contact rule,
In all, my team and I strongly believe that there are eight signs that men can exhibit when a no contact rule is being used on them,
- He tries to get information about you from your sphere of influence
- He’s trying to prove he’s over you on social media
- He reaches out excessively in a neutral way(obviously)
- He then shifts his attitude to being angry
- The topics he reaches out to you with follow the JBN method (jealous, bragging, nostalgia)
- When he reaches out you notice a trend about when the attempts are happening
- He writes a letter a sends it to you
- He purposely tries to see you in person
I’ve listed these signs in an order that I feel is most likely to occur. In other words, sign #1 is probably going to occur before sign #8.
Let’s dive in.
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Sign #1: He Tries To Get Information About You From Your Sphere Of Influence
So, time to educate you on a bit of our terminology.
Sphere of Influence: Essentially the people who a human surrounds themselves with whose opinions they care about.
Generally the most common candidates for a sphere of influence are friends and family.
Yet we notice something fascinating happening in our clients exes after a breakup.
As stated above, we’ve actually found that most exes won’t reach out during a no contact rule.
That doesn’t mean the no contact rule isn’t effective. It says more about the ex boyfriends state of mind.
Instead, what we often see ex boyfriends doing is spying on you via your sphere of influence.
This can happen in a number of ways,
They’ll reach out to mutual friends to check up on you
They’ll have mutual friends pass messages to you You get the idea.
This is in fact the most common sign that we see after a breakup.
Sign #2: He’s Trying To Prove He’s Over You On Social Media
Notice how many of the other articles covering this topic cover the more direct ways of communication during no contact.
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I’m a bit resistant to that because in the real world that’s not what we are seeing.
My colleague, and head coach Anna Gonowon, wrote this really great piece a few weeks ago about the major difference in how men and women handle breakups.
Here’s what she had to say,
So maybe the real story should go something like this:
- Boy and girl meet.
- Boy tells girl he loves her.
- There is no one else but her.
- But then, at some point, boy says, “It’s not you, it’s me. Let’s be friends.”
- The boy changes his Facebook status to “single” and fills his Instagram feed with photos of himself partying with never-before-seen women.
- The girl, meanwhile, falls apart and tells her friends how unfair it is that he’s already over the relationship, while she’s busy analyzing every minuscule thing that she might have done wrong, for months, maybe even years.
- But the boy falls apart, too—he just doesn’t show or tell anyone.
- It sucks for both boy and girl, just in different ways.
- And it probably sucks even more for him, but he’ll never tell you, because he’s not allowed to.
That societal pressure she mentions about men not being allowed to show they are broken or missing an ex or partner is huge to understanding if an ex will even miss you during no contact.
The truth is that often the most common signs we see during no contact are passive communication.
Whether that’s engaging in sign #1’s sphere of influence shenanigans or engaging in this signs shenanigans by trying to put on a front via social media.
So, what does that look like?
Here’s my general rule of thumb, if you are looking at your exes social media and they are trying REALLY hard to show that they are over the breakup then that’s usually a sign they aren’t over the breakup.
Yes, I’m talking about them posting,
Sappy love songs
Inspiring posts about how love is overrated
Jealousy ploys
Going out waayyyy too much
As my other colleague, Dr. Ramsey says,
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.
Sign #3: He Reaches Out In A Neutral Way (Obviously)
Really signs #3 and #4 are linked so bear that in mind as you read.
Technically speaking, there’s a 60% chance that after a breakup your ex won’t reach out to you during no contact.
However, that also means there’s a 40% chance they will reach out to you.
Where many of my peers go wrong in my opinion is that they propagate this false narrative and create unrealistic expectation for their readers.
It seems obvious, right? If a guy misses you during no contact then he will for sure reach out to you and tell you that he misses you.
I’ve seen it happen but it usually doesn’t happen at first. Normally they just want to reach out to you with a feeler text.
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The most common one is this,
You are in the middle of a no contact rule of course so you ignore it.
That’s when sign #4 comes into play.
Sign #4: His Attitude Then Shifts To Angry
After realizing that you are making a conscious effort to ignore him he grows angry with you and you’ll get a response like this,
There’s a lot going on here so allow me to unpack.
Firstly, the no contact rule revolves around the psychology of reactance.
Reactance: take a human beings freedom away and they are likely to react in a way to try to take that freedom back.
The no contact rule technically is about taking a mans freedom of talking to you away and what you see with an angry response from them is reactance rearing its ugly head.
But there’s more to it than that.
In this video,
Coach Anna and I discussed at length the psychology behind anger and she said something that really resonated with me and I’m not the only one. The top comment of that YouTube video calls it out too,
“If we look at situations where someone else is wrong and we feel correct we distract ourselves from feeling pain. That’s why so many exes feel angry and judgmental.”
To quote the science fiction novel, Dune,
“How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him.”
The truth is that for many being left alone is the scariest thing alone because you are forced with all the shortcomings you exhibited in the relationship.
The no contact rule exacerbates that and so often we find that exes getting angry for being ignored are lashing out because it’s easier to blame you for their own shortcomings.
Sign #5: The Topics He Reaches Out To You With Follow The JBN Method
Almost always a guy is going to reach out to you neutrally during the no contact rule.
Sometimes that neutrality will turn to scorn as mentioned above.
However, sometimes it follows a different pattern.
- J: Jealousy
- B: Bragging
- N: Nostalgia
If your ex brings up either of these things its a good bet they are missing you (though they may not be willing to admit it to themselves yet.)
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So, what do these look like?
Let’s explore.
Jealousy
This one is more insecurities speaking more than anything else but usually it’s calling attention to something you did on social media.
They’ll sometimes create their own narrative about how while you were out with friends you met someone else.
Stuff like that is very common.
Bragging
Usually they’ll send a picture of some achievement. There’s an element of,
“Look what you’re missing out on by not being with me.”
Also, it harkens back to sign #2 with them trying to prove that they are over you.
Nostalgia
This usually happens towards the end of no contact and it seemingly can occur out of nowhere.
In fact, Dr. Ramsey brought this up in a video I did with him,
Here’s how it works. Your ex literally reaches out to you bringing up some super emotional memory.
Sign #6: You Notice A Trend About When The Reach Out Attempts Are Happening
This is purely a timing element that I want you to keep your eyes peeled out for.
If your ex is reaching out to you consistently during the no contact rule at a time that they’d likely be by themselves it gives some interesting insight into their state of mind.
Remember above with the anger sign I said that sometimes the scariest thing for a person to be left alone with themselves.
This is a bit of that.
So, pay attention to the timing of the reach outs.
Not much more to expand on here.
Sign #7: He Writes A Letter And Sends It To You
Now, coach Anna and I have made our opinions clear on YOU sending letters to your ex after a breakup here,
But we have seen plenty of letters received during a no contact period.
Usually it is some closure based thing but Coach Anna has an interesting technique to deciphering the intent of the letter.
Pay attention how often they write in the first person.
- I
- Me
- My
Compare that to how often them mention you. Generally speaking if the entire letter is written in a way to make themselves feel better they are still hurt deeply by the breakup.
Sign #8: He Purposely Tries To See You In Person
Usually we have the opposite problem with our clients meaning they like to break no contact to see their exes early.
This is the opposite.
If your ex boyfriend is manufacturing ways to see you in person and purposely runs into you then it’s a good sign that they are missing you in some way shape or form.
For many it can be extremely difficult to have such a dramatic change in routine.
Throughout our relationships we got used to our routines and then with he breakup you suddenly remove any opportunity for them to phase out in a way that feels more natural.
Such is the power of no contact.
Of course, one of the thing that sets our program apart is that we don’t want you focused on an ex or a guy at all during no contact.
We want you focused on you.
I recommend checking out some of these resources to learn more about that concept because that’s really what makes our version of no contact so successful.
- The definitive guide of the no contact rule
- Letting go of your ex may be the key to getting them back
FAQs
How do you know if he misses you during no contact? ›
You feel the strong energy around you
One simple way to know that he misses you during the no contact phase is that you feel it within you. It could come as a sudden thought about them, the longing to reconnect, or just wishful thinking about how things could have turned out differently.
Texting you frequently, talking about you when with friends or others, getting jealous, drunk texting or calling you, trying everything he can to keep the conversation going, and so on are signs he misses you.
What goes on in a man's mind during no contact? ›The male mind during no contact
The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.
So, a few weeks to two months is the answer to the question, “How long does it take for a guy to miss you?” Typically, men realize what they lost when they can't find a woman with their personality. By then, they learn not all women are the same, and they shouldn't have broken off the relationship.
How do you know no contact is working? ›If the messages they're sending you change from sweet to angry, you'll know that the no contact rule is really working. When they still can't get ahold of you, they'll probably realize that you're not going to come around, and they'll get sad about what they've lost.
How do you tell if your ex is waiting for you? ›- They contact you again. ...
- They ask to be friends again. ...
- They ask to meet up. ...
- They flirt with you. ...
- They text you on important days. ...
- They are still single. ...
- They post too many pictures with others. ...
- They take the blame for the breakup.
Simply be courteous and keep some physical distance between you two whenever you meet. Let him have his space but do let him know you miss him once in a while. Remind him of the fun things you did together before but not anymore. Communicate instead of giving the cold shoulder, hoping to send a message.
How do you know if a guy is confused about his feelings? ›When a man is confused about his feelings, his behavior might be erratic. He might make you feel desired and give you all his attention during the 'hot' phase. Then he may pull away just like that and act cold when he feels like he's catching feelings for you.
How do you know if someone is thinking of you? ›- Unexpected emotions. ...
- Eye twitching. ...
- White feather sign. ...
- Dreams about them. ...
- Goosebumps. ...
- A butterfly perches on you. ...
- Your cheeks flush. ...
- Mid-meal discomfort.
Yes, they can. People find their way back to their ex if they realize how much they miss her. This may happen if you spend much time together during your dating phase. Also, if he keeps seeing something that reminds him of you, it may be hard to let go.
What he thinks when you don t text him? ›
1 He thinks you're busy. 2 He's trying to brush it off. 3 He might think you're playing “hard to get.” 4 He's worried you're ignoring him because you're upset.
What not to do during no contact? ›- Avoid Doing These Things If You Want Your Ex Back. ...
- Number One, Breaking No Contact. ...
- Mistake Two, Telling Your Ex That You Are In No Contact. ...
- Third, Checking With The Other Person During No Contact To See If They Have 'Had Enough' ...
- Fourth, Over Analyzing.
How long does it take for a guy to forget? In some research studies, the time it takes to forget someone is around 11 weeks. In other studies, time to forget someone was much higher at around 18 months. Such differences clearly indicate that time taken to forget someone will vary based on various conditions.
How long does it take for a guy to miss you after no contact? ›In fact, based on our research you can expect the average ex to begin missing you anywhere between 2.5 to 5.2 months after a breakup assuming you put forth signals that you are “moving on from them.”
How do you show a man you miss him? ›- I wish you were here right now.
- I miss you like a fat kid on a diet misses cake.
- Your arms around me felt like home. ...
- You don't even have the slightest idea how much I miss you.
- One of your hugs would be nice right now.
- Write a letter to yourself. ...
- Give yourself room to grieve. ...
- Make a list of every terrible thing your partner ever did. ...
- Start a self-care list. ...
- Have a breakup buddy. ...
- Work on yourself. ...
- Start a new hobby. ...
- Give yourself some structure.
- Her name comes up…a lot. ...
- He still seems angry with her. ...
- He's still mourning the relationship. ...
- He considers her his best female friend. ...
- He compares you to her. ...
- He doesn't bring you around mutual friends. ...
- He's still close to her family. ...
- He hasn't given back her stuff.
What Is the No Contact Rule? “The No Contact rule is where you don't call, text, or communicate with an ex in any way after the breakup. It includes not talking to their friends or family about them or the breakup itself,” says dating and breakup coach Lee Wilson.
What are the signs that your ex wants to come back? ›- They Make Attempts To Stay In Touch. ...
- They Keep You Updated. ...
- They Get And Want To Make You Jealous. ...
- They Pretend That They Need Your Help. ...
- They Keep Bringing Up Your Memories Together. ...
- They Tell You How Far They Have Come. ...
- They Keep Checking With Mutual Friends About Your Well-being.
- They begin to communicate with you.
- They apologize for the breakup.
- They show more affection.
- They discuss issues in their present relationship.
- They try to atone for past mistakes.
- They show pessimism when you tell them someone else is involved.
- They stalk you.
How do you know if your breakup is temporary? ›
- You haven't moved on. ...
- You still hang out together. ...
- They've been sending you mixed messages. ...
- You're learning how to communicate with your ex. ...
- They reminisce with you. ...
- They reach out during trials. ...
- They ask about you through friends. ...
- You have both been working on your issues.
- Deliberately leave things behind. ...
- Give him some personal space. ...
- Make him wait before replying his texts. ...
- Take things slow. ...
- Wear a unique perfume. ...
- Add some mystery to your experiences together. ...
- Have adventures with him (and your friends)
- Call him by cute names often:
- Keep him guessing:
- Touch him unexpectedly:
- Small changes do make a big difference:
- Compliment him often:
- Take him down the memory lane:
- Give him ample space:
- Smell good at all times:
- Express your feelings (to him) One of the most direct ways to learn how to make him regret ignoring you is by being upfront about it. ...
- Get your story straight. ...
- Be less available. ...
- Spend time with friends (especially mutual friends) ...
- Block him. ...
- Pursue other options. ...
- Conclusion.
- Observe their body language.
- They pay attention to you.
- Eye contact.
- They make time for you.
- They quickly apologize when they offend you.
- Jealousy.
- They don't say much.
- They are afraid.
Definitely, not all people but some people can sense it, especially empaths. An empath or someone you're in sync with can catch your vibrations easily and this can often clue them into what you are thinking or feeling.
Can you feel when someone is in love with you? ›The short answer: yes. It is absolutely possible to get a sense of whether or not someone is in love with you based on physical and non-physical signs. “Usually, we sense this through their microexpressions or the others' behavior,” says relationship expert Parisa Bady.
Why someone is always in my mind? ›If there's someone stuck in your mind, it may be because you're in love with them. When you're in love, you don't just think about your lover; you dream about them. And when you dream about them, you often find yourself thinking about them at odd times throughout the day.
Do men think about you during no contact? ›For most guys, a “no contact” period will make them realize how much they care about you or make them jealous, confused, or remorseful. It's a time full of emotions, and we've put together a thorough list of what he might feel while you're giving him the silent treatment.
Will silence bring him back? ›The simple answer to the above questions is yes. When you walk away and make him miss you, it's typical for a man to come back to you. The power of silence after a breakup is highly effective in making your partner come back. To start with, going silent after a breakup is a sign of confidence and self-esteem.
Does my ex miss me even though we don't talk? ›
Yes, an ex misses you during No Contact. They miss you because they no longer have what they used to have. Your ex misses you even though you don't talk because they have time to adjust to your absence. This will help them reflect and miss you more.
How do you show him you're done? ›- Let Him Know That You Are Prepared To Walk Away. Save. ...
- Do Not Let Him Take Away Your Efforts In Vain. Easier said than done! ...
- Prioritize Yourself. ...
- Remind Him That He Is Not Your Only Option. ...
- Make Yourself Busy. ...
- Go For A New Look. ...
- Take A Break From Replying. ...
- Do Not Try To Please Him.
Don't ignore him
It is easy to wonder, should I text him back after he ignored me? Yes, he ignored you, which is hurtful enough. But don't return the favor if you still hope to build something out of the relationship. Playing mind games or ignoring his texts could backfire and ruin your chance of coming together.
Whatever the reason you can't be together, something is up with this guy and it has you wondering: Why is he texting me if he's not interested in anything more? Well, as a professional dating coach, let me assure you by saying that this is extremely common. Guys do this all the time!
How many days of no contact is enough? ›The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.
What to do when he comes back after no contact? ›Let him know that you're giving him one more chance to have a relationship with you, and if he can't commit to it, you're going to move on. Tell him something like: “I'm really happy that we reconnected, but I have to be honest—I don't really want to waste time. If you get distant again, I'm going to move on.”
Will time apart make him miss me? ›It will make him miss you
'Distance makes the heart grow fonder' is an expression that is very true. Time apart is so good because he will be thinking about the little things that he misses about you and what he is now lacking now in his day-to-day life.
- Don't be present every time. If you are always available, he might forget you in no time. ...
- Don't play easy to get. Some people make the mistake of being too easy to woo or find. ...
- Make him feel good.
Men often go through an emotional state called “Dumpers Remorse” after the woman finally goes away. This state hits after one month to six weeks after the man passes through the initial happy phase after a breakup. He starts to give away signs he knows he messed up the whole thing from that time.
How quickly do men get over someone? ›There's a reason for this, according to new data from Match's Singles in America survey: Guys just get over breakups faster. Match surveyed more than 5,000 men and women and found that half of dudes are over a rejection in a month, while the average woman takes four months to get over it. Yup, that sounds about right.
What is the hardest day of no contact? ›
What Is The Hardest Day Of No Contact? Immediately after you start it. Limited no contact breaks. The day/s where you aren't hearing from them.
How do you know if no contact is working? ›If the messages they're sending you change from sweet to angry, you'll know that the no contact rule is really working. When they still can't get ahold of you, they'll probably realize that you're not going to come around, and they'll get sad about what they've lost.
What will a man do when he misses you? ›- He texts you often. ...
- He always calls you. ...
- He responds to your texts and calls immediately. ...
- He talks about you. ...
- He is all over your social media. ...
- He gets jealous. ...
- His friends give you hints. ...
- He texts or calls you when drunk.
- Don't Try to Win Him Over.
- Be Mysterious.
- Hold Off From Calling or Texting Him.
- Flirt with Him.
- Don't Give Him the Impression He is The Only Guy in the Picture.
- Related.
In fact, based on our research you can expect the average ex to begin missing you anywhere between 2.5 to 5.2 months after a breakup assuming you put forth signals that you are “moving on from them.”
How many days after no contact Will he miss me? ›Today I'm going to show you the eight definitive signs that a man is missing you during a no contact rule. Usually this period of time lasts anywhere between 21-45 days. Of course, for many of our clients are left wondering how they can tell if it is even working.
Will a guy miss me if I don't contact him? ›Does no contact make him miss you? Yes! One of the best ways to use silence after a breakup is to cut off all means of communication. That includes going silent on social media after a breakup.
How long will it take for him to contact me after no contact? ›Roughly 4 weeks of time alone should be enough to get back into the normal rhythm of the single life. It might feel messy and strange at first, but after 30 days you may find yourself feeling much better.
How do you know he wants you back? ›- They Make Attempts To Stay In Touch. ...
- They Keep You Updated. ...
- They Get And Want To Make You Jealous. ...
- They Pretend That They Need Your Help. ...
- They Keep Bringing Up Your Memories Together. ...
- They Tell You How Far They Have Come. ...
- They Keep Checking With Mutual Friends About Your Well-being.
After weeks of no word, he might begin to panic about losing you. He's been hoping and hoping you'll talk to him, but now he's realizing he'll be a permanent ex if he doesn't do something. He'll reflect deeply and, if he wants you back, make a plan to win you over.
Do guys come back a month after no contact? ›
Yes, they can. People find their way back to their ex if they realize how much they miss her. This may happen if you spend much time together during your dating phase. Also, if he keeps seeing something that reminds him of you, it may be hard to let go.
Is 7 days no contact enough? ›A week gives the person enough time to thoughtfully respond. Even though it's a little old-fashioned, some people will wait 3 days after a date to text you back to make you miss them more. Waiting any longer than a week could be a sign they're not interested, and it might be best to let the conversation die out.
Can a guy like you and not text you? ›Can he? Yes, very much so. He could be scared of texting you too much and coming across as desperate. So he may not be texting you because he does not want to come across that way.
What does silence do to a man? ›Men respond to silence and distance emotionally. When they don't hear from you for a while, their male instinct pushes them to find you and know how you feel. They want to see if you are fine, if you miss them or whether you value their existence. Strangely enough, it doesn't matter if you like him to not.
How do you tell if a guy wants you to leave him alone? ›- A deep sense of disconnection. ...
- You're always initiating conversations. ...
- He tells you directly. ...
- He ignores texts/calls from you. ...
- Lack of vulnerability (from his end) ...
- Lack of sexual intimacy. ...
- He doesn't desire to be physically around you. ...
- You're excluded from his activities.
A neutral response
I hope you're doing well. It's been a while since we talked. Tell me about what you've been doing in the last couple of weeks.” This neutral response doesn't set up any expectations and gives you some time to converse, feel things out, and then decide based on how you feel.
Yes, you can just continue the no contact period indefinitely, but sending a message like this helps provide closure. If your ex was harboring hopes of getting back together, it'll help them realize they need to move on as well. Be polite but clear so there's no doubt about what you're saying. “Hope you're doing well.